By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
