if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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