Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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