when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my poor anus
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
