conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
