Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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