Rock
Scissors
Fuck
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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