Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
