it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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