He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
