she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
