Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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