If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
