Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
