I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
