I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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