mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love having hate sex.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
