When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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