Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
