very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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