Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
