he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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