Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
