my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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