i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
