just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
