I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She even gives head with a lisp.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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