i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
