i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
