Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
