I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
