Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
