I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
