Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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