So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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