I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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