doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We are all done wearing pants today
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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