I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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