she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
