Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
