did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
