VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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