I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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