Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
