talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
