I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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