I wish I could teleport
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
