there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
