Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just invented taco cereal.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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