dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
