Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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